Princess of Darkness

Friday, October 31, 2008

All out of words

Sometimes disagreement is unavoidable but when it happens you have to prepare your mind that at the end of the day, you are on your own. All the decisions rest upon you and there is no turning back on every word that goes out from your mouth. This applies to every situation not only in relationship but in any cicumstances that occur in your life. I do not suggest people to run away from problems, instead I think they should deal with the matters right away..just to get things done and over with. However, there are times that it's better to end the conversation even before it begins just to minimize the damage that could take place if you pursue the matter.

It is difficult when you try to let other people to see your point of view, especially when they already have their mind set on particular outcome because no matter how hard you try it's still not good enough for them. It might be easy to talk about your problem but to get a right comfort is another story. When the damage has been done it is very hard to undo things. I can understand why some people prefer to keep their problems inside and deal with those things in their own times because they don't want to cause other people trouble in dealing with the problems. Largely due to the misunderstanding in people that they find that listening to your problem causing them more trouble when it's not theirs and you end up feeling like shit because you're causing all the burden to those nice people who give you their precious time in listening to you. That's why some people pick to handle their own problems rather than sharing it.

Sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you. You don't want their opinion but just someone who's there and take notice of your existence. But when you get a hint that you're causing them burden, you start hiding your feeling to yourself but it's for the best and for the peace of mind for everyone because at the end of the day, you are standing on your own feet and it's your problem...not them. So smile and things will get better.


Thursday, October 09, 2008

I hate this part..

Final exam on last Saturday was such a long day for me with a few bruises on my right hand fingers due to writing hard out but at least it showed that my Master Degree course is now over (even though I still have several assignment to hand in) but there is no more class to attend and I can tell you that I do miss the classroom's atmosphere.

I just finished on my tourism development paper and hopefully I will get my psychology paper done soon as it's due on next Friday. I don't know why I feel so empty today, I just can't explain it. I was such an arse to Jo as well, sorry darling. I guess it's something to do with my mood swing but at least we made things up right at the end. I just can't wait for these 2 weeks to go away so I will get to go out of Thailand and see Jo in Sydney. Mom is going as well so that's the bonus because I've been wanting to take mom out of Thailand for quite sometime but haven't got round to that.

Tomorrow is going to be another boring day, was thinking of driving to Hua Hin but I just don't want to cause any worries to mom, dad and especially to Jo. I guess there are times that I want to retreat myself to somewhere quiet and just be by myself for a few hours. At the end of the day, I'm a girl who treasure her privacy the most. I can be very reasonable at times and sometimes I don't even want people to understand me. Why acting like an open book right, that's just way too boring.

At the end of the day, I just need somewhere that I can call home.. it's going to be very difficult for me to leave my family behind when I move to Sydney (once again that I have to leave my comfort zone) but this time I will be with someone that I love and this time I know that my feeling towards him is real. Our relationship is not perfect, we have our ups and downs but as long as we hold on to each other..we'll be fine.

I don't want myself or anyone that I care to end up with a feeling that they're in the relationship just for the sake of it (as I used to feel like it before). What's the point of lingering in something that you know that it's going nowhere but saying goodbye. No point in holding on to something that is so pointless because time is so precious and at the end of the day, you have to trust your instinct.

Sydney will be a new chapter for both of us and for people that we care as well. This empty feeling will go away in no time because I am loved by so many people and their loves are not wasted as I also love them to bits. Thanks mom for being there for me today, you are everything to me and I will die without you. Dad, thank you for your comfort hug, you have no idea how warmth your hug can be. Bro, thank you for your stupid comments and no matter we hardly talk we know that you're my number 1 brother. Jo, thank you for everything and how I wish I've met you earlier. The past is something that we can't undo but you have my present and my future. We will always be strong to each other and I hope that there's no such a thing as 'goodbye' in our relationship.